How to stop being afraid that we will be rejected

Why do we agree to what we do not want? Why are we not talking about what is important to us, we do not announce our needs? In many cases, behind this behavior is a fear of being rejected. Let’s figure out where he comes from and how to deal with him.

We are all afraid of something, but we rarely think about how fear affects our lives and solutions. With conscious fears, for example, a fear of flights, heights or spiders, it’s easier to figure it out. But unconscious, deep fears can be extremely destructive. They control our life.

One of the most powerful is the fear of rejection. Adaptation in society, success, self -esteem, independence from the opinions of others depends on it. The need to be accepted in every. And when we are afraid that they will not accept us, we will put on this hidden fear in the wording: “I cannot admit my feelings, suddenly they will not reciprocate me? I can’t ask for an increase in salary, because I’m afraid that they will fire me for this “.

The task of the brain is to protect us, protect us from bad. When we say: “The former broke my heart. If this happens again, I will not survive this ”or“ No one will ever fall in love ”, the brain fixes this. And as soon as a similar situation arises, he shows us a distorted reality, the one that we ourselves drew him.

Where does the fear come from to be rejected?

He appeared in ancient times when the prospect of being expelled from the community, the tribe meant that a person would have to survive alone. And it was very difficult to do it. In fact, this fear was equal to the fear of death. But we live at another time and in other conditions, so it is worth realizing the truth: if we are rejected, we will not die. Maybe we will be sad, lonely or scary, but we will not die.

Nowadays, this fear has been formed since childhood. When the child behaves badly, his parents send him to another room. That is, we still use isolation, as in ancient times, to force the child to comply with certain rules, and thereby lay this fear in it.

Is it possible to avoid this? Yes, if you consciously approach what and how we say to children. If you do not follow the example of our own “educators”, who said “stop whining” and “well, think, they called it at school, next time give the offender on the forehead”.

Instead, we can say: “You were called stupid? And what do you think to yourself?”Most likely, the child does not consider himself stupid. It is necessary to support him in this thought: it is important what he thinks of himself. Most suffer because of the words said by someone, not only children, but also adults. Words

can cause serious harm, they penetrate deep.